Believe me when I say that this poster is creepier than anything in the movie itself. I have to say, I love Mary Lou's bitch face here. It's as though she knows it says "Prom Night 2" across her calves and she vehemently disagrees. I'm with you on that one, Mary Lou.
The movie opens with nighttime shots of a high school's exterior taken from various angles and set to freaky deaky techno music. You know, just in case this movie's original target audience had forgotten it was 1987. Tiring of exterior shots, the director gets a little wild and crazy and even shows us OMNINOUS shots of the school hallway and a stairwell! Omg it's all empty and stuff! How scary! Hold me. But the big money shot is the school's basement, which is shown to house a big-ass black trunk. Could this trunk be somehow important to the plot? Maaaaaaaaaybe. This is when the movie's title flashes across the screen, and I sigh a little and say "You are NOT Prom Night 2, dammit!"
We are now transported back to 1957 and introduced to the titular Mary Lou, who is on her way to confession. The priest sits astonished as Mary Lou confesses to being a slut and LOVING IT, dammit! Then she writes, I shit you not, "For a good time, call Mary Lou" on the confessional wall in lipstick. ML is hardcore, yo.
Cut to...Prom night! Mary Lou half-heartedly thanks her date Billy for letting her wear his ring before sending him off to fetch her a glass of punch. I should take this moment to add that Billy is the oldest looking teenager in the entire history of movies. Apparently, everyone under the age of 47 was unavailable for the role. Anyway, ML shoos him away to get her some punch, and when he gets back he is unable to locate her due to the fact that she's a little busy slutting it up under the stage with another guy. This doesn't sit so well with Billy. No, sir. It doesn't sit well with Billy AT ALL. Mary Lou doesn't care though, and is all "It's not who you come with. It's who takes you home." Word, ML. By the way, that line is the closest this movie comes to being a sequel, those exact words having been uttered by the token slut character in Prom Night The First.
So, Billy's been dumped for a guy who isn't balding. Poor, poor Billy. He'll show that two timing Jezebel what's what. His big revenge plan involves climbing into the rafters, waiting until Mary Lou is crowned queen of the prom and throwing a stink bomb at her that he found in the boy's bathroom. Great plan, Billy. Wonderful. Unfortunately, this doesn't exactly go according to plan. Cuz instead of just drowning Mary Lou in the sweet, sweet stinkiness of revenge, it ignites her dress and sets her ablaze. Everyone just watches in shock as Mary Lou dances in burning agony across the stage. Nobody even tries to put her out with punch or anything. Billy actually yells from his perch in the ceiling rafters for somebody else to help her out. Nice. Before she dies, Mary Lou gives Billy the stink eye, and I have a feeling that in present day 1987, things are going to go very badly indeed for him. And then there's another shot of that trunk from the opening. This trunk is IMPORTANT, yall.
And now it's 1987. Sweet. We are introduced to our new teenage heroine, Vicky, and I realize I was wrong about Billy being the oldest looking teenager, because Vicky is at least 38 years old. We are also introduced to Vicky's parents. Dad is ok, but Mom is kind of a heinous bitch, who, without much provocation, makes it clear that Vicky is NOT going to get a dress for the prom, and that she doesn't much approve of Vicky's motorcycle riding boyfriend Craig. Damn, who pissed in your oatmeal this morning, Mom?
By the way, I am keeping a running tally of Vicky's Horrible Outfits, because she has a lot of them in this movie. For instance, this morning while she's admonishing Craig for putting so much damn sugar in his coffee (she says sugar will kill you, and...really? Sugar? It's not like he's putting aresenic in it, Vicky. Chillax), she is wearing a button up floral shirt tucked into Mom Khakis.
How very...fug. Even by 1987 standards. So anyway, Craig gives her a gold cross necklace and Vicky gives the waitor Bitch Face when he comes around to ask if they need more coffee. Vicky, you already irritate me.
After a boring scene in which Vicky attends science class and doesn't pay attention, Craig goes to visit his dad, the principal. Who just so happens to be Billy. Sweeeet. Although...wtf? If you had accidentally killed the prom queen 30 years ago, would you really want to hang around in the same school? Cuz I wouldn't. Just sayin'. Anyway, Billy is all pissed because Craig doesn't want to go to college right away and would like to take a year or two off to work first. Word, Craig. Billy's all "All of a sudden you think you're old enough to make decisions that will affect the rest of your life?" And I'm all "Um, yeah he IS. He's about to graduate, mm'kay?"
After a brief introduction to the school bitch (we know she's a bitch because she has the most styling product in her hair and is rambling on and on about her dress and how it's sooooo much better than yours, mm'kay), Vicky makes her way down to the basement Prop Room to find something she can wear to the prom. First of all, NO FAIR. Secondly, the basement is as dark as the set design of a Tim Burton film and looks like it hasn't been touched since 1924. Vicky is apparently unperturbed by the darkness, because she doesn't even bother to look for a light, even when searching the racks and racks of free clothes. Vicky, isn't it hard to SEE what the clothes look like without a light? She DOES find a light when she comes across....THE TRUNK OF DOOM. So of course, she opens the damn thing. She opens it, you knew she would, and you would totally open it too, and you KNOW IT. The minute she opens it, the frame of the '57 class picture in Billy's office cracks. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN.
So, inside the trunk, Vicky finds Mary Lou's sash, crown, and cape from the night of the prom. And not one of these items are in the least bit charred. Not so much as a film of smoke. As she takes these items out of the trunk, the trunk closes by itself. Vicky, sweetheart, this MIGHT mean that you don't wanna be screwing around with Mary Lou's shit. Don't say I didn't warn you. So Vicky says I didn't warn her, takes all this shit upstairs, and makes plans to wear the cape to the prom, even after a girl in her art class points out that the last person to wear it died in a fiery blaze.
We now have an "emotional" scene in which Vicky goes to the girl's bathroom and sees her friend Jess HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THIS CHICK'S HAIR OMG OMG OMG!!!
Sorry...had to go collect myself. Anyway, Vicky sees her friend Jess Of The Enormous Hair crying in the corner because she's preggers yall, and the baby daddy isn't answering her phone calls. And I really couldn't care less. I assume the only reason this scene exists is to make sure we "care" about Enormous Hair before the next scene in which she pops one of the jewels out of Mary Lou's crown and meets Mary Lou's ghostly fury, becoming the 2nd tally mark in this movie's Body Count. She is hung from ML's cape and thrown out the window. It's pretty sweet. Also, ML doesn't forget to pop the jewel back into the crown when she's through.
We cut to inside the town church. Apparently, the boy with whom ML whored it up behind the stage on prom night has become a priest. Um...awesome? Anyway, he's staring mournfully at a picture of Mary Lou and remembering the night of horrors when the picture falls of its own accord. This means baaaad things to come, yall.
So, while wandering around the cemetary after Enormous Hair's funeral in the world's ugliest black dress (Horrible Outfit #2), Vicky comes across Mary Lou's headstone and hears crying in her head as the camera zooms in on her face to give us an awesome view of her gigantic pores. The next day she laments the fact that the school has the audacity to hold the prom despite the death of Enormous Hair. Before I forget, she's wearing Horrible Outfit #3...another floral shirt and PINK Mom Pants, with blue loafers that show off her glaringly white socks. Good GOD! The ugly! It burns! Anyway, the school bitch takes this opportunity to show up and make a bitchy comment about how all the prom queen nominees should make like Enormous Hair and die. This pisses Vicky off and she tells School Bitch to "Shut your fucking mouth, Bitch!" HAHA Go Vicky!
So, lunchtime. Vicky has some sort of trippy ass hallucination in which she imagines that cockroaches are crawling all over the cafeteria and they're serving snot soup with what I presume is Mary Lou's face in it, although it's so covered in slop that I can't really tell. Eh...except for the face, it doesn't look too different from some of the cafeterias I have seen in my lifetime. Then Vicky makes this face: